Rabbi's Blog

During the height of the Pandemic, we were all traumatized. We were traumatized by fear and dread and isolation. Even though COVID is still with us, I think there’s a need for us to process–I think there’s an opportunity for us to grow. Psychologists like Victor Frankl teach us that after we experience trauma, we need a process to create meaning out of that trauma. And so, today, we’re going to go through a collective process to help us transition from trauma to healing to meaning.

Ultimately, ultimately, our goal is to live a meaningful life. A life that matters. On Rosh Hashanah, we check in with that goal. How am I doing? How can I do better? What am I doing with the time that I have? The Rosh Hashanah experience is designed to help us engage in that internal conversation. Unfortunately, the times when we’re most open to that search for meaning is after we experience trauma.

It’s become clear that COVID’s going to be with us for a long time, with upticks and downticks. And God willing, we’ve lived through the most extreme, prolonged era of darkness and isolation. Now we have what looks to be an annual vaccination; we have the tools and knowledge and skills for prevention. We are now transitioning from the initial trauma toward a new, sustained relationship with COVID. Now is our moment to find the meaning and purpose that comes out of that trauma. We can’t wait until COVID is eradicated to start the process of making meaning. So, even though it’s still with us, let’s create a Rosh Hashanah transitional moment and use this opportunity to make meaning out of trauma.

Jewish tradition provides us with a ritual for that transition, and it requires community–so I’m glad that we’re all here. The ceremony is called Birkat HaGomel, a blessing of gratitude known in Yiddish as bentching gomel.

Here's how the typical Gomel blessing works for an individual. During a traumatic experience and all through the healing process, we’re isolated from community. After that trauma and isolation, the person comes to shul on a Shabbat morning. They come up to the bima, receive an aliyah to the Torah, and recite a blessing. Birkat HaGomel is a call and response prayer. The traumatized person says, Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, ha-gomel l’chayavim tovot she-g’malani kol tov, “Blessed are You, Source of All, who bestows goodness to the undeserving and has bestowed all that goodness on me.” And the congregation responds, Mi she-g’malcha kol tov, hu yi-g’malcha kol tov selah, “May the one who has bestowed goodness on you, continue to bestow all that goodness on you.”

The Birkat HaGomel ceremony is only performed by those who have been through a serious traumatic experience. The Talmud describes four experiences that qualify as trauma, and with those experiences as our guide we’ll see that living though the height of COVID qualifies us to recite that bracha. The four traditional experiences are known by the acronym CHAIM: chet-yud-yud-mem.

Chet: Chavush–prisoners. During the height of the pandemic, it was as if we were prisoners in our own homes. When we left our homes, we masked and double-masked and it still felt like we were risking our lives. We were like prisoners.

Yud: Yam–crossing an ocean. It was as if we were a ship tossed about on the ocean, exposed to the elements with no control over our situation.

Yud: Yissurim–suffering. Almost all of us got COVID and we suffered the physical symptoms. We suffered both physically and emotionally.

Mem: Midbar–travelling through the desert. It was as if were wandering in a desert, lost and overwhelmed, lost for lack of information. We were vulnerable and afraid, like crossing through a desert.

Living through the height of the pandemic qualifies us to bentch gomel.

The Gomel prayer is a blessing of gratitude, which is relatively straightforward. Thank you, God, for allowing me to survive the trauma, when other people didn’t survive. Thank you.

The atypical part of the ritual is the call and response. Usually when we hear a blessing, what do we say? Amen. But here, we say a whole sentence in response. Why is this trauma blessing recited as a call and response? How does the community response help us resolve our trauma?

Here's the theory from the field of anthropology. We know that our present neurological hard wiring evolved from our ancient past. Throughout most of human history, trauma was caused by imminent, life-threatening dangers like wild beasts or enemy tribal warriors. When we’re faced with these dangers, our bodies immediately deploy our fight-or-flight mechanisms. Our bodies and minds are flooded with adrenaline, cortisol, and glycogen, surging through our systems. Eventually, if we are so blessed, the stimulus for the trauma goes away and we survive. Here’s the point, though: even after the stimulus of the trauma goes away, the chemicals flooding our bodies don’t disappear. The adrenaline only stops flowing when we receive a physical cue that we’re safe. The stress cycle is only complete when we get a sign that it’s time to rest. In the ancient world, the cycle is complete when we return back to the safety of our tribe. That’s when our bodies started to relax and regulate back to normal functioning. We store the trauma in our bodies until we feel the safety of the tribe. That’s the moment that we can start creating meaning out of the trauma.

This is our tribe and this is our moment. This is our moment to release the trauma so that we can face whatever’s in store for us in full strength. Let’s release the trauma so that we can begin the process of making meaning.

The Birkat HaGomel. Repeat after me:
Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, ha-gomel l’chayavim tovot she-g’malani kol tov. Mi she-g’malcha kol tov, hu yi-g’malcha kol tov selah.
Blessed are You, Source of All, who bestows goodness to the undeserving and bestowed all that goodness on us. May the one who has bestowed goodness on us, continue to bestow all that goodness on us. Amen.

My friends, we’ve received our ritual communal embrace. Welcome to the first day of the rest of our lives. Here we are. It’s Rosh Hashanah–our time for a new beginning. Let’s get our new vaccinations, let’s be attentive to the vulnerable, and let’s infuse this moment with meaning and purpose that will last the rest of our lives.

Our brush with mortality, our trauma, can inspire us toward urgency. We all have ideas about how we can live better lives. We all have dreams and visions. Things that we want to improve. Things that we want to accomplish. Let’s work on those dreams now. All those dreams that we have for ourselves, all of those visions that we’ve stored up, all of those plans that we have for our future. Do them now.

As you probably intuit, this ceremony is for us as a community…and it’s also for me. As your rabbi, I represent some of the deepest trauma that we went through as a collective. When my father died from COVID–when I was in my deepest sorrow–one of my father’s favorite students, now a rabbi himself, gave me a framework for creating meaning. I couldn’t hear it at the time because I was still inside of my trauma. But I can hear it now. He told me that the way to make meaning out of my father’s death is to become a better father myself. So simple. So logical. So good. I couldn’t integrate that meaning into my life until now that I am journeying out of the trauma cycle. This year, I’m going to be more present for my children: schedule time with them on the calendar and let them know I love them and I’m proud of them more often. Ariella and Nava–that’s your heads up–let’s calendar. You can let Maya and Jake know, too.

Another framework for meaning came to me from my sister. During my trauma, she told me that my grief would help make me a better rabbi. She said that now that I’ve been through it, I’ll be better able to empathize with other people going through their grief. I couldn’t integrate that meaning into my life at the time. But I can hear it now. And I’m here for you.

One more of my frameworks for meaning–bear with me, I had a lot of trauma, so I’ve created a lot of meaning. Then we’ll get to you and your meaning. My father spent his career in Jewish education, engaging young families in Jewish life. After my trauma, I created meaning by fulfilling the dreams that I had for young family engagement at Brith Shalom. Young families have always been a part of my rabbinate, but I had dreams and visions on the back burner waiting to develop. They are not waiting anymore. We’re expanding our Ruach services to complement our traditional service. We’re recruiting parents of young families to our committees to join some of our experienced volunteers. We’re engaging teenagers, one by one, with Torah reading, davening, and guitar. As I was journeying through my trauma cycle, I couldn’t fully appreciate these initiatives as a tribute to my father’s memory. But now that I’m coming out of my trauma cycle. I can feel my father with me now.

My wife, Vicki, is also making meaning out of the trauma of the years of isolation. She is a dedicated mother and she works as a Technical Writer. She had always harbored dreams of contributing to the Jewish community beyond our family and beyond the walls of our congregation. Last year, she volunteered on the ERJCC Book and Arts Festival committee–the Book Fair. And this year, she’s chairing a subcommittee for Community Engagement. And it’s working. She feels more purpose and meaning in her life. And I’m proud and delighted that she’s made meaning from her trauma.

I’m sure many of you have already started your own process of making meaning out of your trauma–I pray that we all continue on that journey. And I’m also sure many of you are still seeking meaning. Like me, you may find meaning and purpose in the synagogue community. Brith Shalom is a community with deep connections inside and outside of this building. Expand your connections here. Introduce yourself to someone new. Take a class. Host people in your home for Shabbat dinner. Help serve meals to those who are in need. Come to shul for traditional services. Come to shul for Ruach. Celebrate your Judaism. Like Vicki, you may find meaning in the broader Jewish community. You may find it through Houston civic engagement. You may find it volunteering for a social service organization. You may find it inside of you–doing inner work–connecting to your own Jewish identity. We’ve all been through the trauma. What are you going to do, this year, to add meaning and purpose to your life? Take a moment now to think about a dream or an idea or a vision that’s been on your back burner. I’ll pause for that moment. Do it now.

Ribono shel Olam, source of all healing and inspiration, it’s a new year with new possibilities. We acknowledge the collective trauma of our brush with mortality. Protect us and protect our world from further isolation and danger. Help us experience a transition from trauma toward healing. Help us rise beyond the healing process to find new meaning and discover new purpose. Inspire us to feel the urgency of that calling.

May that infusion of meaning and purpose in our lives inspire and inform the rest of our days. And together we say: Amen.